Hot Picks from Highmoor Dungeon Expo – Part 7

Silence may be golden but have you tried spending it? Sometimes adventurers need to make some noise. Here are my three favourite items from Year of the Angry Lynx’s Highmoor Dungeon Expo.

The best and hottest new magic items from  this year’s Highmoor Dungeon Expo chosen by our reporter Aurora Valentine

Insult Crabs

Do you find yourself in need of an insult to provoke an enemy but at a loss for words? This miniature crustacean is what you need. Bred and enchanted from a land crab of the Darker Darkmist jungle, the tanks of the Pipa Brother’s booth were full of pincers and abuse. The Pipa Brother’s have colour coded the shells depending on the amount of affront wanted. The green crabs are family friendly and probably only useful for entertaining small children and idiots. The scales goes up through yellow, red, blue and finally black shelled crabs. The black crabs were kept in a soundproof sub-booth because, I can assure you, the invective they deployed could cause riots. I bought a red one for the Adventurer’s Monthly office for the next time we have to review any of Tymmer Mace’s products.

Chatty Skull

It’s a magically animated skull that can provide pleasant and stimulating conversation on almost any topic you can imagine. I actually went and bought the premium version of this which adds appointment management because I was so charmed by the demonstration models in Reformed Necromancer’s booth. No longer will I be forced to discuss which war axe makes the best noise with the barbarian during those week long journeys across the mountains. At 1,000 ducats this isn’t an item I would take out of the baggage train and actually bring into a dungeon unless I had a very desperate need for a delightful discussion whilst in danger.

Necklace of Screams

The halls were alive with the sound of screaming around warlock Tozhul Deathwhisper’s booth. You weren’t alone if you missed it as he wasn’t allowed back for days 2 and 3, such were the number of complaints. Of the many offensive items he had on display the most upsetting were the necklaces of screams. Five cracked pearls hang on a frame of black spider lace. When activated a pearl will record the next dying scream it hears. There’s something particularly unnerving about this jewelry. Why would you want to rehear, endlessly, a specific exclamation of terminal pain? Surely a simple sonic conjuration would be all you needed for a distraction. I had a cleric friend of mine take a look on the evening of day 1 and the evil aura left her visibly sickened.

Aurora Valentine is a staff and features writer for Adventurer’s Monthly. She wields the great sword Requiem, detests oozes and plays the lute badly.

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