Bad Ways to Die

Film experts Colin & Mitch have seen more people die in more horrible ways than anyone else I know. Here are their top 5 horrible ways to die (in a film).

Stung to Death By Bees (My Girl)

Horrible death. Horrible film. Macaulay Culkin adds to the horrendous proceedings by dying off screen, thereby removing the only potential enjoyment to be had from proceedings.

Drowned in Liquidised Rancid Pigs (Saw III)

Yes a pig-mincing machine is used to liquefy decomposing swine and drown a chained-up victim. Delightful.

Force-fed Your Pets (Theater of Blood)

Robert Morley is forced to eat his murdered puppies by a funnel and plunger method normally favoured by goose farmers making foie gras. He doesn’t last long.

Flogged, Beaten, Spat on, Having Spiky Things Pushed on Your Head, Forced to Carry Large Chunks of Wood in Blistering Heat, Impaled on Said Wood, Left to Painfully Expire and then Stabbed with a Spear. Slowly. (The Passion of the Christ)

Hearing Pierce Brosnan Sing (Mamma Mia!)

Feel good, quease-inducing, camp megahit has ex-Bond Brosnan trying murder not only Abba but pretty much everyone watching this jaw-dropping film in an attempt to commit death by karaoke.

Film critics Colin and Mitch (aka Colin Odell and Michelle Le Blanc) are authors and broadcasters who have been writing together for over 12 years. They have written more than 10 books about film directors and genres, the latest is about the marvellous films of Japanese animators Studio Ghibli. Their website is at www.colinandmitch.com where you can also check out their capsule tanka film reviews.